fear – Towards Reconciliation

I have been consistently amazed at the way God has provided for us over this past year. Many things we prayed earnestly for. Some things we didn’t know we needed. A few things we didn’t even have the faith to ask for…

An organization in the States that specifically helps missionaries to ship containers overseas. We didn’t know this existed, and hadn’t plan to ship anything other than what we brought on the plane, but we found out about it while in France and were able to ship our solar power system from the U.S. We didn’t realize what a blessing this was until we got here.
Upon our arrival, there wasn’t anyone from our organization in the capital for a couple of weeks. A family we met in language school picked us up, took us to their house for lunch, let the kids play at their mission compound, and delivered us to our guesthouse. They introduced us to the director of their mission in Chad and his wife, who connected with a lady to help with the housework and cooking at our guesthouse. This was a life-saver in those crazy first few weeks.
The guest house we had reserved in the capital didn’t have much space for the kids to play, which we didn’t realize until we arrived. God provided two other compounds in the capital with lots of space, kids, and even a trampoline for the kids to burn some energy.
We arrived in Chad without having long-term visas lined up. We came on tourist visas, planning to arrange long-term visas through a contact Josh made through another worker with our organization. This worked out very well, and in addition to getting our long-term visas we have begun a relationship with a Chadian church that we think will provide many opportunities for ministry in the future.
When Josh went back to the capital to purchase a vehicle, he didn’t think about the difficulty of making the return trip alone. But God provided an English-speaking Chadian MBB who also needed a ride to Abeche to make the trip with Josh. Oh, and he also happened to be a mechanic.
The kids, especially Isaac, had a very difficult transition. He would wake up in the middle of the night screaming in his sleep with night terrors. After several nights of this we fell weeping to our knees, wondering what we’d done to our kids by bringing them here. We prayed, and Isaac calmed down almost immediately. From there on out his sleep patterns were much improved.
After a difficult month in the capital, we moved to Abeche and were blessed to have a comfortable house on a large mission compound. This provided some much needed rest and quiet space after the chaos of N’Djamena.
A Chadian friend who needed work and is experienced doing household maintenance and light construction. He has helped us since arriving in Abeche to make our house feel like home.
DANIELLE! We were struggling to figure out life in Chad while taking care of our family and learning the 2nd language in as many years when God intervened with a huge blessing. Through a series of circumstances Danielle, who was planning to join another team in Chad, joined us for a year to help with the kids while learning some Arabic herself. We honestly didn’t have the faith to even pray for someone like her to help, but God knew the need and provided for us.

We could list dozens more ways God has faithfully provided throughout this first year. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness!

When we first arrived in France, I wrote about the struggle I had with Isaac and Judah’s transition to another country and especially to full-time nursery care while I was in class. Lots of tears were shed, and questions were asked of whether or not it was the right decision to keep them in nursery. Was it worth it? After much prayer and discussion with others here, God convicted me of a lack of faith in His goodness for even my precious children. I love them so much, but God reminded me that He created them and He loves them even more than me. Surely, He would provide for them, comfort them, and take care of them. I was convicted that if God has called Josh and me to this life, then He has called our entire family to this life. And, just as He is able to sustain us during the times of goodbyes and transition, He is strong enough, wise enough, and loving enough to sustain my boys as well.

Sure enough, the boys made friends easily, took good naps in the nursery (better than at home, actually!), now look forward to seeing their friends every day, and are living life fully here in France.

But today, we are looking face-on to another time of transition. This one even bigger than the last. First, we must say goodbye to our beloved friends here in France, who have become like family to us, and especially to Isaac. Then we will spend some time in America, which is no longer “home” for Isaac. (Just ask him!) The time in the States will be a blur of travelling and preparing for our next move. More goodbyes. Then a big flight across the ocean to a country that is different from anything Isaac and Judah have ever seen before. At least France sort of looked like America – paved roads, grocery stores, modern cars, women dressed in Western clothes, etc.

How am I supposed to help my children process all the transition that is upon us? How will Isaac feel when he wakes to the call to prayer, eerily sounding, “Allaaaaah Akbaaar!!” in the still darkness of 4am? How will he feel seeing women with their heads covered? How will it feel to not understand what people are saying to him? How do I explain the poverty? The different foods he will eat? Yes, there are many exciting things to look forward to our move to Africa. Too many to list here. But, in honesty, I can’t pretend that I don’t struggle with a sense of anxiety at moments about what the transition will be like for our family.

Don’t get me wrong, if this year in France has done anything at all for us, it is that we are more confident than ever that we are supposed to go to Chad. The peace that the Lord has given us about our calling has grown exponentially during our time here, and for that we are grateful. It’s funny, though, how the lesson I had to learn at the beginning of my time in France is a lesson I am now having to learn again – in an even greater sense. This time, though, I can look back on how faithful God has been to us this past year!

All the time I spend searching my Bible for comforting verses or online for books, videos, maps, songs, art projects, anything that could help Isaac understand His place in this world and that could prepare Him for such a strange, exciting, challenging adventure can be helpful. However, it can also be my feeble attempts to take the reins and gain some sort of control of the situation – like something I can do will be the secret key to keeping Isaac and Judah from having meltdowns, disobeying, dealing with fear, etc. It can be overwhelming.

Until I remember that same God who sustained us and blessed us with abundant grace during our time in France will do exceedingly abundantly more sustaining and blessing than I could ever imagine as we transition from France to America and ultimately to Chad. So, I confess my unbelief. I am at the end of my time in France asking God many of the same requests I asked Him in those early days: “Give me faith to trust you with my children. Give me peace that they will flourish in a new environment. Give me wisdom to know how to help them process the changes ahead.” Thank you, God that your mercies are never ending and that just as you have always been faithful, you will remain faithful for all time.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4

“I cry aloud to God, aloud to God and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble, I seek the Lord.” Psalm 77:1-2

“Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his, we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100: 3

“I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121: 1-2

“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from our presence?” Psalm 139:7

our family's adventures in the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18-20)

Tag: fear

God’s Provision – remembering how God has taken care of us during our first year

A Bookend Lesson for a Mother