When we first arrived in France, I wrote about the struggle I had with Isaac and Judah’s transition to another country and especially to full-time nursery care while I was in class. Lots of tears were shed, and questions were asked of whether or not it was the right decision to keep them in nursery. Was it worth it? After much prayer and discussion with others here, God convicted me of a lack of faith in His goodness for even my precious children. I love them so much, but God reminded me that He created them and He loves them even more than me. Surely, He would provide for them, comfort them, and take care of them. I was convicted that if God has called Josh and me to this life, then He has called our entire family to this life. And, just as He is able to sustain us during the times of goodbyes and transition, He is strong enough, wise enough, and loving enough to sustain my boys as well.
Sure enough, the boys made friends easily, took good naps in the nursery (better than at home, actually!), now look forward to seeing their friends every day, and are living life fully here in France.
But today, we are looking face-on to another time of transition. This one even bigger than the last. First, we must say goodbye to our beloved friends here in France, who have become like family to us, and especially to Isaac. Then we will spend some time in America, which is no longer “home” for Isaac. (Just ask him!) The time in the States will be a blur of travelling and preparing for our next move. More goodbyes. Then a big flight across the ocean to a country that is different from anything Isaac and Judah have ever seen before. At least France sort of looked like America – paved roads, grocery stores, modern cars, women dressed in Western clothes, etc.
How am I supposed to help my children process all the transition that is upon us? How will Isaac feel when he wakes to the call to prayer, eerily sounding, “Allaaaaah Akbaaar!!” in the still darkness of 4am? How will he feel seeing women with their heads covered? How will it feel to not understand what people are saying to him? How do I explain the poverty? The different foods he will eat? Yes, there are many exciting things to look forward to our move to Africa. Too many to list here. But, in honesty, I can’t pretend that I don’t struggle with a sense of anxiety at moments about what the transition will be like for our family.
Don’t get me wrong, if this year in France has done anything at all for us, it is that we are more confident than ever that we are supposed to go to Chad. The peace that the Lord has given us about our calling has grown exponentially during our time here, and for that we are grateful. It’s funny, though, how the lesson I had to learn at the beginning of my time in France is a lesson I am now having to learn again – in an even greater sense. This time, though, I can look back on how faithful God has been to us this past year!
All the time I spend searching my Bible for comforting verses or online for books, videos, maps, songs, art projects, anything that could help Isaac understand His place in this world and that could prepare Him for such a strange, exciting, challenging adventure can be helpful. However, it can also be my feeble attempts to take the reins and gain some sort of control of the situation – like something I can do will be the secret key to keeping Isaac and Judah from having meltdowns, disobeying, dealing with fear, etc. It can be overwhelming.
Until I remember that same God who sustained us and blessed us with abundant grace during our time in France will do exceedingly abundantly more sustaining and blessing than I could ever imagine as we transition from France to America and ultimately to Chad. So, I confess my unbelief. I am at the end of my time in France asking God many of the same requests I asked Him in those early days: “Give me faith to trust you with my children. Give me peace that they will flourish in a new environment. Give me wisdom to know how to help them process the changes ahead.” Thank you, God that your mercies are never ending and that just as you have always been faithful, you will remain faithful for all time.
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4
“I cry aloud to God, aloud to God and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble, I seek the Lord.” Psalm 77:1-2
“Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his, we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100: 3
“I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121: 1-2
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from our presence?” Psalm 139:7